its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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