I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
