the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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