I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
