So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
