8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
