please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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