They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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