Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
