you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
