I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
