Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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