you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Randomize
