my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
