I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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