How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
