i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
