She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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