Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
