Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
