I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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