Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
