Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
