For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
