i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
