my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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