PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
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sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
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I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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