Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
