I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
