Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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