We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
