Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
