I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
