Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
