i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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