Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize