Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
