i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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