I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you inspire me to be a worse person
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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