i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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