sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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