$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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