i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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