chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
