you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
