I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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