we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
