well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
