I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
