Four minutes until I can fart!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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