'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
