I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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