"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i think my cat just said my name.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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