worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
