her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
