i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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