1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
