shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize