Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
