; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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