I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
