I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
