Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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