Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize