They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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