I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We named our party play list daddy issues
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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