I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize