so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
