There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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