so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize