maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
