My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
