Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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