maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
