no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
