The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
do herpes really smell.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
