how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
