Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
