I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
